It's been nearly a rodent's life span since I have written, it would seem. I don't usually take time to write for myself. Not because I won't, but because I can't. It's funny to me that I will spend my life in the sidelines, hoping to have a story; though, everyone else has already seen what I have seen, or at least those who decide to remain on the sidelines with me. It isn't until I engage the game, charge the field, and get tackled by a tower of muscle and testosterone that I actually have something to tell the world about.
I have half killed my mind trying to figure out what I am going to do next semester. I nurtured school with the care of a mindlessly negligent mother, the CCC apprenticeship is ending, and I should probably seek out some sort of employment. Beside those things are several other options that have presented themselves. There is the Band, the Farr House, and the prospect of getting a second chance at my education. Beside those things are thoughts out from left field, things that have wrapped themselves around my heart, hugging it stronger, making blood harder to pump until they are satisfied.
The band is a huge story for me, and I think it requires another blog, but I am anxious to see where it goes this summer, and where God takes us next semester; and next year. The ending of the apprenticeship is leading me into asking God and myself about the Farr House. The basic Idea behind the Farr House (or as I understand it) is Greeley History. That sounds odd when described that way, but really it means everything about their other Goals. When you learn about Greeley's history, you learn about why there are people on that side of town and why those people showed up. You learn about hate inner city segregation. These are all things I suspect to find when learning about Greeley, which ties into why are the rich so rich and why are the poor so poor and why is the word "Mexican" a pseudo slur? When we hear that word and we feel uncomfortable, something has gone oddly wrong. Learn history and you learn the ebbs and flows of a culture, which helps understand how to appropriately deal with the complex problems at hand.
(got a little side tracked). . . So, I am thinking strongly on the side of doing that. It encompasses some things that I am passionate about. . . that God has made me passionate about.
Then we have the idea of going back to school. If I do, I am thinking about taking on-line courses. However, some of my trusted I and some trusted friends and family are beginning to believe that maybe school is not the route for me. Which is almost exciting. Not because I won't have to go to school, but because I look forward to pioneering my way through what I want to learn. Its my goal to become a graphic designer of some sort. Maybe not at a design firm, but maybe for an organization; maybe for a venue; maybe for something out of the ordinary.
and lastly...there are thoughts that I can always get out of my head, but never away from my heart. Someday I want to travel places...maybe even stay somewhere for a while. But I have too many road blocks in my mind (no pun intended?). What about this, what about that, how will I get my medication, my car is too old, how will I make money. All answerable questions. It's just...getting around the excuses, I guess. And I do have some things in Greeley that I should very much like to stay there for. But I want to leave my home. It's an odd feeling, but I need to leave so I can be welcomed somewhere else, make my own way.
It's been a rodent's life since I have written, and I have written with the sense of a rodent's organization. I am excited to see what happens this summer and next semester, though. By the grace of God, I will have the life he wants for me. That isn't a hope, it's an eventuality.
